“Mirror Mirror”

“Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?”

“Listen, Queen, I am an all-knowing talking mirror, and you want to ask me that question?  Why do they always do this to me?  You’d think people would be curious enough about other matters that they wouldn’t waste their time and mine asking about such trivial issues as to who might be the fairest of—”

“Yes, I quite understand.  You’re very smart.  Now answer my question.  Who is the fairest of them all?”

“Fairest of who all?”

“Of all!”

“Myself.”

“This may turn out to be more trouble than it’s worth.  You smug piece of furniture, who is the fairest alive of them all?”

“The Apple Tree of Beauty on Duchess Damsel’s land.”

“Who is the fairest person of them all?”

“Happy.”

“I’m not going to ask again, mirror.  Would you please tell me—”

“Happy Dwarf.  Or Sleepy, when he’s not yawning.  And Bashful Dwarf comes in a close third.  The seven Dwarf brothers guard The Apple Tree of Beauty on Duchess Damsel’s land.”

“Well, at least we’re getting closer.  No dwarves.  Now, mirror, tell me who is the fairest human of them all?”

“Ella, the newborn baby of one of the wealthy merchants living on Duchess Damsel’s land.”

“Mirror, mirror on the wall!  Who is the fairest human adult of them all?”

“Your late husband.”

“Who is the fairest live human adult of them all?”

“Duchess Damsel herself.”

“Who is the fairest human adult royal of them all?”

“Prince Charmsalot.  He lives in the kingdom to the west of Duchess Damsel’s land.”

“Who is the fairest human adult royal female of this land?”

“Princess Snow White, your step-daughter.”

“Barely an adult, you smart-alek piece of omniscient hardware.  I see I shall have to specify one more time.  Who is the fairest human adult queen in this land?”

“Um, erm, well, you are, though the term ‘fairest’ hardly applies when there’s only–”

“It matters not!  Your opinion hardly counts.  I’m the fairest!”